Pet Taxi Episode 8. Angela, Ozzy an Elizabeth.

Hi lads,

Episode 8.

7.20AM Emma drops off van.

8.30AM Shower and have breakfast of 3 shreaded wheat. (I like to load up on Pet Taxi days for extra mental strength.)

9.35AM Leave the house and set off for Gateshead to pick up Angela and her mongrel dog Ozzy.

10AM: Pull into nice little cul-de-sac right next to Allerdene club. Nice street, hopefully someone respectable and normal I hope.

Angela comes out the house looking all normal, dog looks in decent nick, and we set off for the PDSA at Hebburn to get Ozzy checked out and get more antibiotics for some kind of infection.

10.15AM: Pull upto PDSA, the journey there went well apart from Angela's constant waffling about her "PURE WHITE CAT". (FFS it'S FUCKING WHITE AND IT'S A CAT, I GET IT OK?)

There's a sandwich van just down the street so Angela and the dog go inside while I wander off down the street.

10.45AM: I'm still fucking waiting. I decide to go inside and see what the hold up is. Fuck me! The place is wall to wall with halfwits and their manky animals,lol.

I decide to wait inside with her until she gets seen to. Then,,,,, in walks this lad with his lass. Don't get me wrong lads, I don't have anything against anyone overweight or judge anyone in any kind of way usually but this lad didn't carry his 25 stone well. He had a pair of navy jogging bottoms on (with holes all over) and a Lonsdale T-Shirt that barely covered his tits. It was like a fucking crop-top,lol. His fucking gut was hanging out the bottom ffs. His lass, a scrawny little horrible thing was with him. She looked like the last time her fuckin hair wash washed was with the afterbirth when she was born ffs. She had leggings on that had what looked like spunk stains all over the arse and backs of her legs. I briefly envisaged her lad doing her from behind, finishing and then just pulling the leggings back up and wiping his cock all over the back of them. I say briefly cos I started to reach at the thought of these two fucking. They both fucking stunk btw.

Anyway, they went to the desk, I could hear them saying something about their dog etc and signing the registration forms. The lady behind the desk asked them to bring the dog in and wait and they will get the dog seen to. They walk out, presumably to get the dog from the car, and 2 minutes later they return. I'm waiting with baited breath to see what they bring and and POW!!!!!!!!!

OMFG, These two fucking pikeys walk back in with a fuckin tan DOG DE BORDEAUX! This fucker walks in like it fuckin owns the place. Anyone who has showed dogs will know the strut I'm talking about. I have a friend who breeds these and and average model will cost you £500 minimum.

Un-fuckin-believable!!!!! They must have nicked it,lol.

Anyway, Angela and Ozzy get seen to and we leave, journey back is ok. I drop her off and ask her for the £15 agreed fee. My Sis said the first time I did this for her that if a fare is £15 or £25 they normally pay you £20 or £30 etc but you always say I haven't got change and you end up with the extra fiver,lol. This worked as Angela said "oh just take the £20 then"


It's around 11.30AM now and I ring Sis to say job's done. She says "good! There's a job at Langley Park you can do. She is moving house to Burnopfield and needs the pets running to the new house"

"Is she normal?" I ask.

"Not exactly" is the reply.


SIS: "Well! To be honest she's a fucking idiot, she's a proper tramp and I fucking hate her" lol.WTF?

SIS: "It'll be ok,,you have a way with the ladies,lol. Just pick her up and take her it'll be ok. I told her it will be £35 but say the journey is longer than planned and stick a fiver extra on top cos she's a twat and I don't mind fleecing her. She's fucking minging but she's got the money"


12PM: I pull into a street in Langley Park and I instantly know which house it is. There's a removal van and a skip outside. Two blokes carrying stuff out the house. The fuckers were putting more gear in the skip than in the van,lol. There's a kid in the garden about 11 years old and he deffo looks in-bred. Poor kid.

BOOM!!!!!!! Elizabeth, the mother, walks out the door. OMFG!! She's a little overweight but nowt flash. Her hair is a home dyed blonde, (you know the sort that looks yellow?) She's wearing a fucking 1980's RAH-RAH skirt, and a navy umbro t-shirt and pink slippers that looked like they'd just been shipped OUT the skip. She's got egg yolk down the front of the T-Shirt. She's deffo IN-BRED! She was telling me later that she regarded her oldest brother as her dad as she didn't have a father figure when she was younger. I was thinking he probably fucking was,lol.
She didn't say hello, she said "is that the van we're going in?" I say "yes" "they'll not all get in there will they?" (All fuckin what ffs?)

3 dogs and 5 fucking cats (twats)

I ask how big the dogs are and she tells me they are pretty small. (Good, I can get the 3 of them in the cage) It turns out she had fold-up cardboard boxes for the cats. She asked me "what do you want to do?" My first thoughts were "I want to fuck off!,lol"

I tell her we'll get the dogs in first and then the cats afterwards. She brings out 3 rather well groomed looking dogs. I load them into the van and hang around outside, talking with the removal van guys while I wait for her to bring out the cats.

We're joking about the sites we see and the idiots we come across in our respected jobs.

Bam!!!!!! The kid runs out the house chasing a scraggy looking tabby cat,lol.. He's chasing this thing up the street,lol. (Like he's got any chance of catching the fucker,lol) Out comes Elizabeth again with 2 of the boxes. She says "lets get them in and I'll get the other two in a minute" When she had came out she left the door ajar and I saw out the corner of my eye the other two twats leg it,lol.

Me and the removal bloke are laughin our tits off when she goes inside and comes back out and says "the cunts have gone" with a surprised expression on her face. I tell her I can't wait around and that we will have to go as I have another job on later,lol. (I didn't, but fuck her too! I'm not pissing about chasing cats all day)

So we set off for the new house and she says "if they don't come back later she will have to ring the RSPCA to get them later sometime,lol. So, we're heading for Burnopfield and this bitch is fucking lifting. I'm not joking she fucking stunk. I had the window down and I could still smell her. I had a few moments relief when we passed a sewage plant on the Lanchester road. (FUCKING HELL,SOME RELIEF!) She' moaning on about the long day she's had already and that she's never had a bite to eat or even a cuppa this morning cos she's been so busy. LMFAO!!! So the T-SHIRT, (with the egg yolk down the front) she has on, must have been off the previous day at least,lol GROSS!!!!!!

I get her to the new address in quick time and drop her off and get paid the £40 (lol) and leave and (DARE I SAY IT?)