NATIONAL CHAMPION



Well aint posted for some time , basically because I had a very quiet March due to a bad run which lasted most of February

So along comes April and im looking for some sort of challenge as im feeling a bit bored of the same old grind, there are a few players doing a bankroll challenge on the "NPF" , however i have done 1 before and the thought of doing it again isn,t that appealing.

Anyway im running ok and make a few final tables at the grosvenor , there are a few regular faces at these FT,s and 1 other guy is a constant ,Graeham Newton,,AKA(super ref)on the NPF.
Anyway he is constantly going on about how he is winning the national league and after a few final tables that we play together he says , ""your doing ok gaz"",, HUH am i,, so i take a look at this league which has been running nearly 2 weeks and sure enough im sitting in 19th place,,BINGO, i have just found my challenge,It is an 8 week affair so there is 6 weeks left and plenty to play for.
I have a reasonable 3rd week and move upto 9th spot , then week 4 is just as good and i again progress, moving upto 4th spot, week 5 see,s me move upto 2nd and a great run in week 6 takes me into a commanding lead at the top.

Then comes the un-timely interferance of the GUKPT festival, every1 is looking forward to this however it is not the best timing for me for a no. of reasons .Mainly as i will only be playing 1 event which allows all my opponents a full week of games to either catch or overtake me going into the last week of the league.
Sure enough the top of the league becomes congested , but some how i have still managed to maintain top spot , so its into the final week with all to play for.

The week starts well and by Friday im looking good for the win but there is still a possibility that i can be beaten, so i decide to take saturday of work and go play what will be my final game of the league , hoping to reach the Final Table.

Anyway i get there and cement my top spot with a 5th place finish for my 5th final table out of 5 for the week.

Thoroughly enjoyed taking part in this league ,even though ,it was by accident that i ended up taking it seriously and it has been well worth it .

So now i have a NATIONAL LEAGUE TITAL to my name and I am chuffed to bits especially at the prizes which are

a £3000 seat in the GUKPT Grand Final Event




and


a seat in the GUKPT Champion of Champions Event.


I hope my good fortune continues for these to major events ""2 TIMES BABY""




Wudnt he suit some bling



Quick post and mention of a guy I met few years back in Vegas and normally meet up with at CPC as well along with a group of mutual friends that have all met through Poker. Fellow blogger Robert "Animal" Price has somewhat moved on into a different league of poker financially and been getting amazing consistent and big 4 figure sums since moving onto Omaha. His controlled and strict BRM should see him now move into a totally different level and Im sure provided he keeps his feet on the ground youll be hearing alot more of this player.
He is out in Vegas already as hes had some of the early Omaha games targetted at the WSOP and sure enough hes right up there with the best of them

His hobbies include "fine dining" as can be seen at last years CPC with his fellow food taster "Azimut" and also his favourite game of how many "Black Russians" can ya drink in one poker session. Hes World Champion at that one!!!!!

Currently 19 left coming back for day 3 and hes amongst these players chasing the dream and that elusive bracelet. GOOD LUCK ROB!!! yill suit some bling

Player Chip CountsChange
Ed Smith 433,000
Thang Luu 410,000
Robert Price 387,000
Lee Mougous 337,000
Jim Geary 300,000
Richard Toth 292,000
Senovio Ramirez 270,000
Freddy Deeb 266,000

payout


Pay LevelAward
1st$263,135
2nd$162,110
3rd$106,373
4th$73,405
5th$53,293
6th$40,612
7th$32,404
8th$27,029
9th$23,520
10th-12th$16,829
13th-15th$12,669
16th-18th$9,899
19th-27th $7869

Blog Thief



Nowt happening on the poker front at mo although Im starting to now get the bug for my hol and my 12 days in Vegas leaving the 13th June.
Playing Aspers £100 game today so hopefully a decent field although I doubt it somehow and maybe it wont even get started!!!

Not much to write about so have knicked this little ditty from roscos blog as it made me smile and the lyrics are so so true!!! ENJOY!!!

(to the tune of Blaydon Races)



They all went down to Villa Park
Twas 24th of May
Hoping God would smile on them
Upon the Sabbath Day
Proud as punch in stripey shirts
Cream of the Geordie nation
Ganning down to Birmingham
To see the relegation


Oh me lads
You should have seen them crying
Watching the shambles on the pitch
Premiership dreams a dying
All the lads and lasses there
All had gloomy faces
Ganning doon to the Championship
With all of Shearers aces


P.S. FLAWLESS TO WIN BRITAINS GOT TALENT!!! hopefully beating that stupid dosey Scottish woman

GUKPT Final Day



My mate Peter Smithson went back for final day with 12 left and after lending him some lucky socks and some smellies he was well prepared for the task ahead.
I never forget the disappointment last year when he cash bubbled in this event but once he doubled his stack the previous day I was convinced he was final table bound.
Wasnt long before 12, 11 & 10 bust out giving Peter his 1st ever major Final table and I was absolutely delighted for him.

Apart from Tony Phillips who had a huge chip stack the remaining 8 players were very close so anything could happen. The final table turned out to be an amazing game as it became the quickest GUKPT Final ever lasting less than 3 hours and Peter going out in 5th place for £9k
Eventual winner was Tony Phillips who had been a long time leader and who I had the pleasure of sitting next to on day 2. A very very confident and accomplished Poker player for someone so young. Well done mate.

£250 side event seen a nice return for myself and Cardguard as we had paid a young lad into it called Jonny Tingate who cashed for £1800 in 4th place. Last years main event winner Ganesh Rao took this event down.
Made the GUKPT a plus profit event for me and even more for Cardguard when he spins £20 on touch roulette to £1800 then stakes another young lad into the £100 Bounty who chops it for £700 return for CG and a healthy % still in his Champion of Champions interest.

GUKPT Main Day 2



Come back for day 2 in decent shape and happy with table and position. Mark Trett from the NPF is 2nd in chips and also my mate Juicey Oranges who cash bubbled last year is still there. Surinder Sunar, Carlo Citrone, Lawrence Houghton, and last years winner Ganesh Rao are seated around me.
Take down a few small pots early doors and not much too exciting to remember after that or involved as fold alot of garbage and my stack dwindled down to 25k. The low stack of the remaining runners had shoved his stack from 3k to around 17k when in 2nd pos he went to raise to 5k then seemed to change his mind and shoved all in. Guy 2 after him makes the call and I fold 66 in the sb. KK v AK and the flop comes A63 so what might have been!!
Lose the guy to my right and his seat is filled by Tony Phillips who sat down with very healthy stack and continued to use it before getting moved.
Went through 2 bad levels which saw me play very little and was conscious of not dropping below a certain level of BBs when I pick up 10 10 but a decent raise from Andreas Hoivold in early position is met by a big shove from mid so I fold and so does he. Next lap I pick up AKs in cut off and make it 3.5k to play for Hoivold to make it 9k. Ive got 17k behind so I was folding or shoving and decided to shove thinking he could only have 2 hands to call me and I really didint think he was strong. WRONG!!!!!! hes got the bullets AA and Im gone.
Bit more good experience under the belt and live to fight another day.
On the even more positive side I take in a lodger for the night as bubble boy from last year Juicey Oranges rocks along and makes last 12 as they return for Sunday with him sitting very nice and very very close to a major final table. Id been saying all day to alot of lads from the forum hed make final table and Im not changing my mind now. Infact hes so relaxed about it he could really shock a few here and what an achievement that would be for him to do that.

Cumon Pete!!!!! be nice little bonus before we head out for WSOP Seniors together

GUKPT Main Event Day 1A



Decide to play day1A of the GUKPT Main Event with my Grosvenor League prize and as like last year the 1st year is very badly attended. People have their own views as to what they prefer but apart from a full and busy cardroom it really doesnt make any difference imo due to the structure and nature of the tournament. Just over 40 runners and it ends up that the day will finish when there was 14 players left.
Happy with my table and although there was a very small field it was certainly full of many well known and respected players as you would expect. I chose the 1st day as I had seats for Beyonce the following night.
Surprised how much early action there was and some players were playing virtually every hand and alot of chips swopped places early doors.
QQ got paid and a flopped straight paid off nice so moved on nice until making up the blinds with 89 which flopped 2 pair but alarms rang when solid player to my right bet out strong on the turn and I paid him off when he showed 67 for the straight. Norwegian player at bottom of table had been very active and bluffed me off a pot showing 52 at the river when re raising me when I held the best hand but that came back to haunt him with this hand.
I limped 1st pos with AQ and he made it 3 way from the sb. Flop came Q 10 3 rainbow which he ckd and then called my bet. Turn brought Ace giving me 2 pair but when he ck called my bet the alarm bells of KJ were going through my head. I thought to myself I need to hit this river pairing it when bang in came the Ace for the nuts and now needed to get paid. He checked it to me and I tried to look really weak as when I bet 2k he tanked for a few mins then shoved all in. Couldnt call quick enough and just what you need in a game like this and back in it.
Twice pick up AA and both time they hold and get paid and then just picked away at short to medium stacks and finish the day on 35k ( 5th best of 14 ) and above average to come back Saturday with. Also made some very good reads throughout that saved me alot of chips putting down hands that would have proved very costly.
Think there will be about 60 runners going back and fingers crossed for a good table and some good cards and the Poker Gods looking down on me.

GUKPT £200



GUKPT opening event of Newcastle leg of tour and around 130 runners. Knew most of my opening table which included the well known Julian Thew and steady away the early levels.
Nothing much to shout about and very few playable hands apart from QQ which meets a 4 diamond board but make the call as guy had shown several bluffs and hed been playing 2nd pair. Have doubled my stack by the break and very comfy tbh when table is broken and I move to table full of locals and NPF members including Jimmy Chipmunk, Mrs Cardguard and Michael Tedder. COMPETITION THUS ENDS for me. Orbit after orbit picking up absolute gutter crap and no chance of getting in so as the antes kick in hard Im getting near to danger levels and shove mid with JsQs to Tedder and he makes the call with 22 that holds.
End of Im afraid and very ABC tournie which left me frustrated to the lack of hands and involvement.
On the good side Jimmy Chipmunk was going strong and by the end of play he was well placed and around only 27 left.
Trying to give as much info as we can on forum updates with progress of game and the tour. Will deffo put the results there as well for anyone wanting them at NPF
Not playing anything else now until the Main Event and decided to play Thursday Day 1A.

ill have another go

ok aint posted in a while and just got in and read that horrible terrible post i done last night to which im sorry to those that read it, it was fkn despicable and i cringed like fuck when i read it back, had been on massive bender as it is me b day and had 2 many sambucas i know i cant drink anyways but spirits bring the worse out of me as such ive removed the thread cos the sambucas wore off and i realised im a knob when pissed as such im now vowing never to drink spirits again.
on a lighter note went to thirsk races on saturday and as usual couldnt win nowt im fkn crap at horse racing it also rained which was a gutter as there not much cover there, dont know much aboot horse racing but at the start of a race a horse broke loose done nearly a lap of the race flat oot then went back to the traps and romped home at 66 -1 thought that was abit strange, all in all it was a good day and the crack was great ended up doon 65 quid but thats not bad really seen a few blokes who i used to work with there so had a few beers with them good laugh.
anyways woke up this morning my hand is like a balloon, my heed is fkd with the hangover from hell and ive got the weirdest couloured huge bruise on me shin, goes into work and im standing on some steps near a lift shaft 3 rungs from the top and instead of sayin "you need higher steps" this cocky bastard safety guy says in the most patroniseing way "you realise that lift shaft goes all the way to the ground" to which i insta bite and say "well were the fuck else is it going to go" bearing in mind my foreman standing there and this git trying to make me look daft i says you dont have to be arsey to get ya point over just say what ya mean to which he replies in a spoilt brat way "well i dont give a fuck if you fall off them ladders and die" lol, so i tell him to fuck off(obviously still feeling the sambucas) and he says to me gaffer i hope yers have got another job for him to go to fksss, he pisses off and and my gaffa gives me that speech that im always hearing ya gotta bite ya toungue and hes right 29 today and i really need to grow up at times.
aint been playing any cards really except the odd cheap multi no luck and really dont feel the love for the game anymore just cant get me head into it anymore and when ya feel like that yer daft if you do play cos we all know what happens when ya play and ya not right. reet im starting to bore meself now laters all and gl

Hope GUKPT Cards dance like these boys!!

Some amazing stuff here from lads that can really move

Aiden Davis




Fk off Gala



Decide to play the Gala Online Final in an attempt to pick up a nice value package for the Coral Masters Tour on Sunday night.
Not bore ya with too many hands as these games basically come down to coin flips late on and never had much luck in this game. 2 packages on offer and from about 6 finals Ive played Ive had 3 bubbles. Have one bit of luck getting to final table when calling a lowish stack shove with AdJd from the sb for the BB to re shove and Im committed to the call. JJ AJ KK and bingo the Ace.

5 left and the coin flips begin and make it to last 3. Killer hand was low stack of 3 shoving UTG for myself and BB Chip Leader to both call. We both hold AQ and the low stack flips a lovely 23 for which the 2 had hit.

Eventually when tight 2nd in chips I ship with AQ for chip leader to wake up with KK.

Bubble boy again and roll on GUKPT!!!!

Pre GUKPT



After last weekends strenuous attempts at playing Golf again in gale force wind and then the long hours at the NPF Birthday/Awards bash I was feeling totally wrecked on Sunday & Monday and spent alot of time trying to catch up with sleep and had decided NOT to play anymore poker being it live or my odd dabble online but that changed on Wednesday night when needing to go over to the Grosvenor to sort out the NPF League seats that were won and to get people registered into their games.
Get that sorted and the lure of a quick 36 runner tournie was too much to resist and 6 hours later I chop it 2 ways but unlucky not to get a free seat into their special £100 game as a 40 runner min is required for this.

No more poker now till GUKPT week but NO again. Friday night and fancy going out so take in the Aspers £20 Strike it Lucky game which gets a good field (132 runners) but with such a fast structure its a real shove fest and attracts alot of one night players. Great some of the table crack at these games as players explain their actions and exploits. Get decent starting table but also know its ganna be one of the 1st tables to break as well. Get the double up ya need in this game when my 66 hits the A65 flop and when another 5 comes at the turn Im milking the certain Ace held by the BB and the river gets my bet to be shoved in on and sure enough his monsta A3 is not enough.
Table move and sat next to very very chatty and smiley young lad who informed me he used to play couple of years ago but this was only his 2nd time hes played since then. This lad is built like a doorman or athlete but came over as a really nice lad to be honest out for a good laugh on a Friday night in town and was meeting some lass he met from last week when pissed later that evening. When I asked him why he hadnt been playing he said "Ive been away" and at 1st I thought me meant working away but on abit more Kojak work he told me he had been in jail. Naughty boy or what and eventually he tells me hes been inside for manslaughter. Fuck me and originally was charged with murder. Seems when he was 17 he gets into a fight with his mate at a nightclub in Durham and knocks him out with one punch and as the lad fell he bangs his head causing a blockage of blood supply to the brain and his mate dies.
To be fair to this lad he really did seem in remorse and had been released after 2 years of a 4 year stretch but was also very much aware of how bad his mates family were feeling and had also moved away from where he used to live.
Our table is broke and 2 hands later the lad passes my table after busting and on his way to l"amour he hopes with the bird hes meeting at 11.00
Avg stack in this game rarely gets above 6 bbs and as we reach last 30 players Im on 5 bbs and shove from button with KQ to meet AJ in the BB. AK flop but saving K on the river puts me right back in game and was only hand I entered all night that I was behind in.
20 left and hit nice run of hands that hold and make final table as chip leader. 2nd in chips is a lad who had been on my table who was always well over bet stealing many times but was well paid when shoving with AA n KK.
"Jack the Lad" continues this pattern at final table by betting 6xBB from button and when BB shoves with 99 his extra 1 bb call has him revealing the monsta Ks5s. As6s3s flop gives him the chip lead now and as we get 6 handed me and him have majority of chips in play. My KK BB is passed with no action and as I pass my sb I find 10 10 on the button next hand into Chip leader Jack the Lad BB. On blinds of 4/8k I make it 24k to play to which he calls. Flop comes J103 and he announces all in. Wow over 2/3rds of chips in play here and I snap call for him to show 9J. Hes up shaking his head and bang Q turn and river K to land his straight and I simply walk away from table thinking wot a fkn shit game we play but with no feeling of annoyance and glad its not any of the GUKPT games Im playing next week ( yet )

Good night and the only hand I lost all night. Feeling good for next week looking forward to Mondays 2 day £200 game and then in for the Main Event Day 1a on the Thursday. May the Poker Gods shine down please.

With the crack on the young lad above I received this T Shirt pic and funnily enough thought of him out there on his exploits. Great shirt and Im sure some great opening chat up lines would greet anyone daring enough to wear it

Pet Taxi Services Day 2 & Final Time!!!



Ok so here goes..

Day 2.

9am shower and have breakfast.
10am arrive at Birtley to pick up an old fella. First impressions: normal old bloke.
10.15am: I know all about him,,his younger years, his family history (I'm busy doing his family tree right now), his job,,his dog, his confusion as to whether his address is county Durham or Tyne and Wear as different mail has different counties. (fucking hell, like I give a shit).

10.30am He's still rabbitting on when we arrive at the Hydrotherapy place in Brancepeth.

10.50am: We head back to Birtley. As soon as we get in the van I turn the volume up on the radio loud enough for him to get the hint. The whole journey back is silence.

11.20am: We get back to his house and he hands me 15 quid.. The fare is 25 so I ask him for the other tenner and he says "oh,, I thought there was 25 there. You will have to take me to the ATM." WTF?

11.55am: I get home have lunch.

1.55PM: Head to Hebburn to pickup an old dear.

Arrive 2.15pm: Pick her up,,nice lady we have a good laugh on the way to PDSA.

2.05pm We get to PDSA and she goes inside and I wait outside smoking.
2.06pm. Sis rings my mobile. "Dave! nip through to Jarrow, theres a lass needs picking up, drop her off then leave her there while you drop the old dear off back round the corner then go bck to PDSA and pick the Jarrow lady back up".
I tell the old dear what the plan is and she says ok no probs.
2.15pm: Arrive at Jarrow address and knock on the door.
Door opens. OMFG!!! She's around 50ish long grey hair,,medium build and a beard like fucking Geoff Capes. I'm not shitting you, I couldn't grow a beard like hers till I was about 25.

I lift this little cross dog into the van. It's hair is mattered like it's never had a bathfor a year.

She gets in and I smell her,, fucking hell!!!! Dont think she's had one either for a while. When right gaurd saw her, it went LEFT.
She fuckin stunk of sweat.

I drive as fast as I can to the PDSA. And jump straight out. Nostrils burning.

Drop old dear back off down the road and drive back.

The girl behind the desk says she's in wth the vet now and will only be a few minutes.. It's the same lass as the first time I went and again,,,,she's fuckin laughing at me. (Obviously been bumped again)

Its about 3pm now and she trotts out (scratching her beard like steptoe.

We jump in the van and head back to Jarrow. 10-15 mins later we arrive at the house. I don't think she was happy about me having both front windows open to the max as it was "messing her hair up" as she said.
But,,,,fuck her,,I'm not utting up with that stench even though it's only a 10 min journey.

So we're there (thank fuck) I get out, open back of the van and pull this claggy little mutt out the back and the fucker has spewed all over. (Bollox)
She nips inside and comes out with kitchen roll.. "Here,mop it up with that" she says. "Sorry love! I'm not doing it" So she climbs in the back of the van and starts to mop it up with Roll.
20mins later She's still in there. (fucking hell,,hurry up you old twat) she finally finishes a decent job of getting the chunky bits up and holds out her hand fo me to help her step out of the back. I begrudgingly hold out my hand to help her out and she stumbles forward and breathes on me.. JEEZUS!!!! I think she mistakenly used the bog brush and not her toothbrush when she got up.

Anyway, she pays me and says "goodbye pet"

I start the van up and head back home. Not too bad of a day I think to myself. Then,, halfway home I notice something.. Theres a towel on the passenger seat. It's been there all day and I just didn't think nowt of it.

I get home and Sis rngs me. Asks if everything was ok? I say yes apart form the scary beard and the dog vomitting in the back.
Then I ask her about the towel.

LMFAO NO WAY!!!!! She told me the last time she picked her up she pissed herself as she's incontinent.


"She didn't piss again did she?" She asks.. "Not that I know of"

I go out and open the van. Yep! you guessed it,,she'd fuckin pissed.

So... for the last 3 hours I've been swilling the back of the van with disinfectant and scrubbing the fucking front seat.

I know I said it last time but I mean it this time.

"NEVER AGAIN"

Pet taxi driver services!!




From the pen of Cowhead of NPF and another true story. His explanation of his real life experiences:

My sister has her own business being a Pet Taxi service.

With me being out of work she asked if I would do a day for her last week so she could have a day off as she's on call 24/7.

I thought why not? It's a few quid for basically taking dogs/cats to and from the vets, groomers and such like.

"Easy money" she says!! NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

My day started off well. I had breakfast at 9, took a shower and got in the van to get to Durham for 10.

I picked an elderly lady up just outside the city centre and took her, and her 22 year old cat all snuggled up in her cat box with her blanket and hot water bottle the 5 minute journey to Gilsegate.

She went inside while I had a smoke.

Five minutes later she comes back out, cat in hand armed with steriods and live longer pills of some sort.

I drive her back to her home. She thanked me and gave me the £20 agreed fee. EASY MONEY!!!!!
I stopped off at KFC on the way home and picked up a meal, bought a paper from the newsagents and headed home.

1pm: I set off for a place called Dipton.

45 minutes later I arrive at a quiet little village and pull up to the house. Out comes a woman around 50 years old. At first glance she looked quite normal until she got close and I could see that her foundation on her face looked like she had put it on with her hands. There was limps of it stuck on her cheeks.
First indication all was not well.

She asks me to lift her dog in to the back of the van as he had arthritis in his back legs.

I say to her "I will if he doesn't bite" to which she replied "nooo,,he's lovely mannered dog, he wouldn't hurt anyone"

OK! So in he goes no problem.

No sooner had we set of she told me that if he barks it means he needs to do his business and we will have to let him out. Fair enough!!!!

2 minutes into the journey he starts fucking barking! Van stops. I get his lead, open the back of the van, open the cage and get hold of his collar to clip on his leader, and the fucking twat bit me.

I tell her to get him out as I don't want another chunk took out of me.

She then walks him back and forth but NO! he did nowt.

2 more false alarms and 25 minutes later we pull up to the PDSA at Hebburn.

She goes to get him out and the fucing dog jumped. Landing heavily he yelps and lies down. Because of the 3 false piss alarms we were already 15 minutes late for the appointment so I tell her I'm going inside to tell them we're here.

I walk inside and the place is packed. The lady behind the counter (who knows my sister and who I am and the lady I've brought) starts to laugh.

Turns out this womans a total fucking head case and my sister booked her in that particular day obviously to stitch me up.

So, I'm standing waiting for her to get the fucking cripple dog inside and then I hear it. In one of the loudest voices I can hear her screaming " DO YOU WANT FUCKING PUTTING DOWN?" IF YOU DON'T GET UP THEY'LL FUCKING PUT YOU DOWN YOU OLD CUNT" "GET UP" "GET UP".

Everyone in the place is laughing and rushing to the window to see who the loony is and what's going on.

The lady behind the desk tells me my sister has the same carry on with her verytime she comes. "you will have to go out and get her, the dog won't move" she says.

I walk out and the dogs lying down and this fuckng nutcase is still trying to drag the poor dog inside, screaming like a bashee on acid.

I tell her I will have to pick him up and carry him in. Then, she says "he's not mormally this bad. He can walk ok usually, theres something wrong" I tell her it's cos he's got arthritis and remind her thats the reason we're here.

No! you've broke his legs.. WTF? I've broke his legs?

That was it. Anymore shit and I'm just jumping in the van and leaving her there.

So then,,,things just get better. I go to pick this fur ball up and I realise that while he's been lying there he's pissed and he's soaked underneath.

So here I am, carrying in this piss soaked dog into the PDSA with the nutter owner walking in behind.

Then I realised,, I'm with her!! Everyone is looking at my like I'm a fucking nutter too. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die,lol.

We get the dog sorted and leave. On the way there she did'nt really say much but on the way back she started to talk..

FUCKING HELL!!!!!! LIKE I NEED THIS!

Turns out. She is 50 years old. A karate black belt. A dancer. A weightlifter.
Her last bofriend ran off to Costa Rica with some South American bird.
Her current boyfriend is the best thing since sliced bread but he has health problems. He has bad feet and legs. "What's wrong with his feet and legs?" I ask.

"Oh! he hurt them when he tried to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge TWICE"

OMFG!!

Then, the big one.

She tells me she wants to marry suicide boy, but nobody could ever replace her first husband who sadly passed away a few years ago.

She says " you might know my ex father in law" "Might I?"

Yes! He's Clint Eastwood!!!!!

That's it! I ignore the signs warning of speed camera's and get this woman home as fast as I could.

We arrive back at her home, I open the up the back,, open the cage, get hold of the dog and the bastard bit me again.

The fare is £35 but she says cos I'm so lovely she's going to give me £40.

Then asks if I want to come in for a coffee. lmfao As if?????

Needless to say, I wont be running dogs to the vets again and if any of you lads looking for work see THIS job advertised anywhere, I'd advise you to not even think about it.

Doctor Doctor whats up with me?




Just taken this post direct from the NPF as it struck alot of chords with me as to the path of life!!!!

By Cowhead

Titled: Been to Doctors this morning

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With being out of work for about 9 weeks now I have become lazy. I'm doing very little excercise and my eating habits are irregular. I've been feeling like shit for weeks now and decided to go to the docs to get some advice.

This is how the conversation went:


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap..

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q:Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.
Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.
Bottoms up!

Q:How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q:What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q:Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!
..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?
......HELLO
Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat , here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than English.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Enlgish.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Enlgish.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Enlgish.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Enlgish.

CONCLUSION...

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

NPF Dreamdobbs Flatley

I present to you one of the funniest things we at Teamdobbs and the NPF have ever seen or done. Dreamdobbs is the guy I employ as my depot manager and who I used to do mobile disco entertainment work with. Hes an absolute star and funny guy and a member of Team Radgie.
He made a cameo appearance in our video of the Bohemejean Video and now we present him in his own right as:

DreamDobbs Flatley

Enjoy and get ya tissues ready cos yill be pissing ya self laughing that much

Revenge is so so sweet

Ok it was hyped up and talked aboot for last 5 days so here it is - the Dobbas come back to Team Radgies piss take - watch and enjoy

Team Radgie is a team over "elder" poker players from the NPF who have created a friendly banter situation between them & ourselves.

This was the piss take they put up at the forum from their crazy number 2 Koyte and received such comments as "brilliant" and "the Dobbas couldnt beat that"



Well we took all the flack from people but we dont like being 2nd best and set about careful planning to outdo them. We didnt use set film scenes we did it by a real set and script. Obviously unless you dont know the characters involved alot of the lines and the humour is lost but for those that do please enjoy " Dobbas Revenge"

Happy Birthday NPF



Just a quick post to let all the Dobbas know on Saturday we will be getting our revenge on ' The Radgies '. very very funny and not to be missed for sure. Am really looking forward to Saturday, the NPF birthday game, gonna be lots of fun and I for one am going to make sure everyone enjoys it as I am once again gonna be let loose with a microphone. No one will be safe as Im gonna take the piss oot of everyone - so be warned no one is safe. It will all kick off at break time so be warned make sure you are at Circus for 8pm on Saturday night.

Keeping my poker ammunition dry and will probs not play again now until the GUKPT £200 game and the main event, and then in June I got the sky poker open final to look forward to at DTD, so busy month coming up poker wise - lets hope for once the poker gods smile down on me


cgk

NUFC reveal their survival plan


NUFC have finally revealed their plans for Premiership survival and their attempt to bring back the good old days of home superiority!!!!!

Weeeeee anutha Dobber in GUKPT Main Event



Shipppppppppppppp. after 6 weeks of the GUKPT on line syndicate league somehow I managed to end up winning it and secure myself a seat into the GUKPT main event in Newcastle - so weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to me yee ha.
As you can gather Im quite pleased and excited about it. The league has been an up and down affair, spoilt in some parts by certain chat boxes etc, and I thought again it would happen tonight when I re popped a certain individual all in and he called to find I had AA and his AK did not improve, putting him out and ending his chance of a seat. I did not type a word into the chat box but my wife Dawn and one other player typed in nice hand well done to which this guy typed in ' fucking arsehole'. decided not to respond on chat in game , but safe to say after I warned him twice 2 weeks ago not to berate my wife, I have sent him a pm on the forum outlining my plans for him next time I see him!!!!!!!!! Anyways he disappeared and the game panned oot to be tense, tight, exciting and played in a great spirit - which was a fitting end to a great idea. My 2 main challengers had similar chip stacks to me when we down to last 8 but one of them, Mullet, started to become a lowish stack and seeing as he was 3rd in league he had to finish above me and the leader by 3 positions so he knew he had to get busy and eventually he went in 8th. As it stood I needed to finish 2 places above Tingate the leader, unless I won it as 25 points for winner and then 20, 18 16 14 etc. I was 3 points behind. 2 players exited quickly leaving 5 left and panic stations as if Tingate does not go oot in 5th or 4th I gotta win and I did not have the chips to do. We had both around 3.5k when average aboot 11k and I knew he was waiting for me to make a move and trying to nurse over the line - as I was too. Then this happened. he shoves all in on Teamdobbs big blind and Dobber goes into the tank. Now I know he must have a hand as he does not waste time showboating. When I see call I think weeeeeeeeeee especially when he got AQ - then booooooooooo as Tingate has KK. but, and a big but, just for once Poker Stars does not fuck me as the flop is QQ 3 and no K on turn or river knocks Tingate oot.
A terrible way to lose a possible big money seat and I really felt sorry for him, he is a really nice kid and a great player to boot and thats a horrible way to go out - but to be 100% honest I also whooped a bit too, come on Im only human ffs. I then realise I still gotta finish in 3rd and then I look and I got 2.8k left and rest between 6.5k and 14k. Im in the shit I think and especially as I get both my blinds raised 2 rounds running and I cant fight back as I have shite cards. Manage to get a couple of raises through and steady back to 3.2k but having grippers on settee as not seeing any cards - when this happens. Teamdobbs BB me sb and button raises to 6k. I cant call with me customary 5 2 off, but Teamdobbs makes the call and is all in. 10 J he has ffs and other guy K 4 off!!! heart overtook head and wanted me mate Dobbs to win pot but alas he missed and went oot. Then everyone starts typing in WP Steve, congrats etc and I realise I got seat - get smoggie to treble check points and confirm and yep its official - CGK is gonna take doon the GUKPT. All in next hand and oot but didnt care weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Teamdobbs said after that the guy always ships and has done so with 2 3 , 4 2, 7 3 and alike over last few weeks and he genuinely thought he was in front with 10J so no beef there at all.

Also quick mention for another Dobba who has made this a great week for the Teamdobbs crew. Jimmy Chipmunk took down the circus league final in a 4 way chop on Sunday night so well done mate - tell us all aboot it.

All in all a great week for Teamdobbs members and maybes a few ' radgie' doubters will have something to think about now WP all

Look out for something special next Saturday all who are attending - Dobbers fight back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Make it across the line!!!



Last week of the NPF Friday night Live League and out in front with only 3 players that can possibly beat me but with a final turn out of only 55 runners then its impossible for our own Dobba & NPF Champ Xenocode to get enough points.
2 fellow dobbas stand between me and that £1000 GUKPT Main Event seat being Jimmy Chipmunk who needs to score 31 points and up and coming young dobba Can Only Get Better who needs 30 points. They basically need to finish in top 3 and me not finish above 4th or 5th spot to beat me. Decided from start to play basic ABC and pick my spots which wasnt too difficult to be honest on a very straight forward table with good position. Longer I was in still in game the harder it would be for them to stay positive.
Picked good spots made few correct calls with marginal holdings to couple of bad bluffs and picked up the odd very nice hand.Getting down to nitty gritty of last 20 players and my 2 main threats were still in. Broke to 2 tables and both are brought to my table. COGB getting very low shoves and I make call with AdQd and he flips 10 7. My diamonds make the flush but his 10 7 makes the full house for double up. I take out Xenocode making the call to his shove when holding QQ and he tables AK. 1st card out is Ace but Q follows (case Q)and now getting close to another final table.
Running good and big hand takes place soon after. Chipmunk ships all in and I make the call with AcQc but player behind me ships all in for another 8k to call. Its a straight forward call mathematically with pot size and obviously need to hit big but decide the extra chips can be used better later and dont want to be unable to still play and be forced to shove or fold so decide to fold and hope that Chipmunk falls to better hand. Jimmy shows 99 and other guy shows QQ. Blank flop and Ace on turn wudda gave me big pot but Chipmunk goes out and only 1 left that can beat me.
We make final table and tbh I get the best possible seat position I could ask for and I decide then to sit super tight and just ladder up but 1st hand changed that lol. Im sb and it folds around to button who single raises. I have AsQs and bearing in mind this guy has continually limped all night I really have no idea where I am. Fuck it and ship it all in and BB and him insta folds.
I then take any chance I get to raise COGB BB from opposite end of table and when I dont someone else seeemed to so he slowly gets very short stacked. Eventually he makes a call for his chips holding Ad10d and the shove flips 55. No help and COGB falls in 9th and this confirms my top of the league position and £1000 seat.
Get down to 4 left and suck out shoving with 10 7 to eventual J10 call and table 2 pair and then shove for win but Jc10c is called by Ace 5 and Im out in 3rd.

Great game, great league and some great fun and crack. Alot of personal satisfaction to be honest to win this league which contained alot of well respected players from the North East and obviously the forum. Role on the GUKPT which Im looking forward to immensely and feel much better equipped this year than last and hope I run as good during that.

Final NPF Friday night live League

Special thanks to S2C for his excellent running and orgainsing of the league and extra special thanks to Cardguard Kid who often gave up his playing chances to give superb coverage and atmosphere in the cardroom with microphone, video camera and updates via the forum and in most cases being there from start to finish into the early hours of the morning all for the unselfish purpose of giving the league the coverage it deserved.