Pet Taxi Services Day 2 & Final Time!!!

Ok so here goes..

Day 2.

9am shower and have breakfast.
10am arrive at Birtley to pick up an old fella. First impressions: normal old bloke.
10.15am: I know all about him,,his younger years, his family history (I'm busy doing his family tree right now), his job,,his dog, his confusion as to whether his address is county Durham or Tyne and Wear as different mail has different counties. (fucking hell, like I give a shit).

10.30am He's still rabbitting on when we arrive at the Hydrotherapy place in Brancepeth.

10.50am: We head back to Birtley. As soon as we get in the van I turn the volume up on the radio loud enough for him to get the hint. The whole journey back is silence.

11.20am: We get back to his house and he hands me 15 quid.. The fare is 25 so I ask him for the other tenner and he says "oh,, I thought there was 25 there. You will have to take me to the ATM." WTF?

11.55am: I get home have lunch.

1.55PM: Head to Hebburn to pickup an old dear.

Arrive 2.15pm: Pick her up,,nice lady we have a good laugh on the way to PDSA.

2.05pm We get to PDSA and she goes inside and I wait outside smoking.
2.06pm. Sis rings my mobile. "Dave! nip through to Jarrow, theres a lass needs picking up, drop her off then leave her there while you drop the old dear off back round the corner then go bck to PDSA and pick the Jarrow lady back up".
I tell the old dear what the plan is and she says ok no probs.
2.15pm: Arrive at Jarrow address and knock on the door.
Door opens. OMFG!!! She's around 50ish long grey hair,,medium build and a beard like fucking Geoff Capes. I'm not shitting you, I couldn't grow a beard like hers till I was about 25.

I lift this little cross dog into the van. It's hair is mattered like it's never had a bathfor a year.

She gets in and I smell her,, fucking hell!!!! Dont think she's had one either for a while. When right gaurd saw her, it went LEFT.
She fuckin stunk of sweat.

I drive as fast as I can to the PDSA. And jump straight out. Nostrils burning.

Drop old dear back off down the road and drive back.

The girl behind the desk says she's in wth the vet now and will only be a few minutes.. It's the same lass as the first time I went and again,,,,she's fuckin laughing at me. (Obviously been bumped again)

Its about 3pm now and she trotts out (scratching her beard like steptoe.

We jump in the van and head back to Jarrow. 10-15 mins later we arrive at the house. I don't think she was happy about me having both front windows open to the max as it was "messing her hair up" as she said.
But,,,,fuck her,,I'm not utting up with that stench even though it's only a 10 min journey.

So we're there (thank fuck) I get out, open back of the van and pull this claggy little mutt out the back and the fucker has spewed all over. (Bollox)
She nips inside and comes out with kitchen roll.. "Here,mop it up with that" she says. "Sorry love! I'm not doing it" So she climbs in the back of the van and starts to mop it up with Roll.
20mins later She's still in there. (fucking hell,,hurry up you old twat) she finally finishes a decent job of getting the chunky bits up and holds out her hand fo me to help her step out of the back. I begrudgingly hold out my hand to help her out and she stumbles forward and breathes on me.. JEEZUS!!!! I think she mistakenly used the bog brush and not her toothbrush when she got up.

Anyway, she pays me and says "goodbye pet"

I start the van up and head back home. Not too bad of a day I think to myself. Then,, halfway home I notice something.. Theres a towel on the passenger seat. It's been there all day and I just didn't think nowt of it.

I get home and Sis rngs me. Asks if everything was ok? I say yes apart form the scary beard and the dog vomitting in the back.
Then I ask her about the towel.

LMFAO NO WAY!!!!! She told me the last time she picked her up she pissed herself as she's incontinent.

"She didn't piss again did she?" She asks.. "Not that I know of"

I go out and open the van. Yep! you guessed it,,she'd fuckin pissed.

So... for the last 3 hours I've been swilling the back of the van with disinfectant and scrubbing the fucking front seat.

I know I said it last time but I mean it this time.



dapperdanman said...

LOL! Best to just leave the owners and pick up the pets! Gl in GUKPT m8!

E-donk said...

I think dappers onto something there LOL! Dog owners really are a special breed.