Do I just attract Idiots?

Areet lads!
After feeling ill, a tough week at work with a bunch of numb young-uns, stimulating conversation with my lass all week I decided to get out of the house last night and relax. So needing some stimulating conversation and a touch of decent, adult social interaction, where did I end up? THE NEWCASTLE GROSVENOR!
It was a fun night in the main to be honest but, to tell the truth a Newcastle Casino doesn't really rate highly on the scale of normal people regarding IQ.I crossed paths with some proper numptys if I'm being totally honest, aswell as a few characters. Some people you may know some you wont, so I'll change the names to prtect the innocent where need be.
7pm: Got home from work, quickly change and dash out to pick up Knerrad on the way.
7.30pm: Pick up Darren, arrive at Grosvenor about 7.45pm.8pm: Start tourney.
8.30pm Chipped up a few thousand without showing down a hand, all's well on the playing front then I notice my first idiot.The guy to my right is using what looks like a $5 casino chip from the MGM in Vegas. "Nice chip mate" I say "I actually stayed in the MGM when I visited Vegas" "Yeah" he says, "I got it in the Hotel gift shop when I was there for only $10" WTF???????????9pm: I notice idiot 2,3 and 4. We had been playing 9 handed at our table then Candice brought a guy over to our table after some kid had bust out. In her hand was the card. TABLE 2, SEAT 10. Now, there was no chair between seat 9 guy and the dealer (seat 1) but seat 6 was empty. So, seat 7, seat 8 and seat 9 were scratching their heads as to what to do. The normal, and easIest thing would have been for seat 7 to slide across to seat 6, seat 8 slide into seat 7 and seat 8 to slide to seat 7 opening a seat for this kid to sit down. So after 5 mins and more head scratching seat 7 decided to pick up the fuckin chair no:6 and pass it over the table behind seat 9 guy.WTF??? Slide along one you thick fucks!
This lack of any kind of common sense must have been having an effect on me by now cos it wasn't long after I blew half my stack on shit with some stupid fucking move and paid the price.Soon after, got moved tables and sat for 2 hands with now 6 bbs after getting plonked down on the bb first hand and sb right at the stat of the next level. FML!Next hand, kid makes a raise it's folded to me on the button, I look at my cards, 88, good enough for me to ship, the guy insta calls and flips over QQ and seeing as I dont run like an 18 year old, South African, Hermaphrodite on steriods I received no help and I was gone.
11.10pm(ish) Sit in a 25p/50p cash game with the £50max. Looking round the table I had the dealer that looked like a young Herman from the Munsters. A friend or a friend of mine who I met in a private game once, Irish Andy from the forum, some other young kid, John McCririck's younger brother sitting next to me, another youngish lad to my left and two miserable fuckers in seat 9 and 10. I caught there names, Grumpy and Clean Robb, I think. Grumpy was a short little fucker who walked with a limp, and Robb looked like a grumpy, elder relative of Peter Beardsley with specs.
12 midnight: Idiot no:5. McCririck's younger brother calls a £20 river bet (approx £70 pot) with 23 on a 455,10,J board.LMFAO!!!! must have had the other player on 23 aswell and was calling for a split pot. WTF???????

Idiot no:6 and 7. Grumpy and Robb had been chatting to each other the whole time I was at the table. They must have known each other as all they talked about was some poxy cruise ship they'd been on a few years ago.I actually asked them at one point if either of them had played before and they said "NO" we've watched poker on TV though and a few hands later I knew they were telling the truth.They'd played a few suspitious hands between them, one in particular stuck out in my mind where Robb had bet every street on something like a Q,J,10,4,8 board. Grumpy mentioned during the hand that he had a tell on his mate. When he has a 9 his head twitches to the right. Now when he made a river bet of £15 his head was going like the clappers like the cop from Dumb and Dumber after he drank a bottle of piss. The kid in the hand makes the call with top pair, who is a friend of mine (who's another fucking idiot tbh but he's a mate) and sure enough Robb flips over 9x for a rivered straight.(Fucking luckbox)Few hands later it's folded to numpty (oops!) I mean Grumpy who makes a mid-late position raise. Everyone folds other than Mcririck in the BB.Flop: 10,3,x. Mac checks,,Grumpy bets, Mac calls.Turn: x. Mac checks,,Grumpy bets, Mac calls.River:3. Mac checks, Grumpy bets and Mac calls. Mac flips 10x, Grumpy flips 6,3 off for rivered trip 3's. WTF??? Grumpy said afterwards "I knew I was behind all the way but HAD A FEELING I'D SUCK OUT A RIVER" (That ole chestnut)
12.30am: Idiot no 8: The youngish lad to my left had seemed to play ok the time we were at the table and seemed quite normal until he beckoned one of the waitresses. "Can I get a pizza please" he asks. "No problem sir" she replies. "What would you like?" "Pepperoni" he says. "But, no Pepperoni or cheese please" WTF??? I said "Just bring him a plate of dough luv" WTF??????
12.45am: Idiot no 9.(and the biggest of them all)Robb limps utg, 5 other limps. Dough boy raises from SB to £7.25, Robb calls, others fold, Idiot 9 calls too. Flop: K,10,6. Dough leads out £15, Robb folds, Idiot9 tanks then shoves about £50, doughboy fist pump,insta calls and flips over AA. Idiot9 sheepishly flips over 99, turn and river brick and Idiot9 leaves the table.I didn't get his name but I think I heard somone say it was "CROWDED" or "CHOW DREAD" anyway, regardless he was the biggest fucking idiot of the night IMO.
All in all, good night, had a laugh really, met a few of the forum lads again and also met, and had a brief chat with Jimmy Chipmunk and Bo$$Hog on the tourney table I bust out of.Hope to be back again soon.


TEAMDOBB said...

ya heading was bobbing back n forwards with those 99 like a prostitute giving ya a blow job. Ya obv had him on 88.

Good crack as normal mate enjoyed the short time you were there

cowhead72 said...

In my warped world I dunno wtf I had him just seemed like a the shove was a good idea at the time. I played it horribly from start to finish to be brutally honest. 3 to a flop and he leads out, he's not afraid of the K, he cant have me on KK possbly 1010 or 66 at a push but then again hes not folding AA KK or AK to me anyway (I knew it too). I dont think he leads out on the flop with anything less. so I KNEW I was crushed and getting snapped.

Idiot poker at its best.

stumpy said...

idiot poker at its best....agreed haha it was a good laff tho

Anonymous said...

who's that tracksuit wearing chav who was playing 25p50p at the G last nite....seemed like an alright guy tho think hes a reg,kept dissappearing off to snort coke in between hands(not very slyly)then bragging how he raises with anything and calls with anything cos hes got loads of money.....proceeds to lose about£100 then leaves when his mates do

Jimmy Chipmunk said...

I think you need to sit on a unicycle as you always seem to be in a rush to be somewhere else