What an arse!!

What an arse!!

OK aboot time I posted on here again so here we go.

Firstly poker wise its much of a muchness, same old story getting my chips in good most of the time and losing, and in 50/50 races I think Im 1 from 68 so everything is normal in Cardguards Poker World. Played Leeds with few of the boys and ended up 43rd but apart from 2 decent hands early doors I never had 2 playable cards until I was oot so for me a run of the mill tourney except we had a great day, was a nice casino and for £40 outlay £8K prize pool says it all.

OK now on to more serious matters - this goes out to everyone but especially DC.

I created a thread on the forum which in hindsight I think was a mistake. my motives for creating this thread were purely to pass on information I had been given by 3 seperate individuals, information I did not want to keep to myself and fellow syndicate members find out at a later date that I knew about. In my defence I was trying to give everyone the chance to have an opinion but in hindsight once the game started it was obvious who I was on about even though I did not name them.

From this thread a volley of posts ensued which caused a very good friend of mine, in fact 2 very good friends of mine to take an unprecedented decision to close the forum down for a day. Through my initial actions this occurred and I take 100% responsiblity for this - yes others posted and had their says and it was these posts that drove DC to his decision- but if I had not been so eager to put the thread up, or had sat back and thought- as DC tells me all the time to do- then the action he took would not have been needed - so from me straight from the heart I apoligise to both Scotty and DC, and to all other members who missed oot due to my actions.

The whole situation has soured the GUKPT syndicate and really the game has turned into a joke which is so so sad as its one of the best ideas to have happened due to the forum. Personally the pair involved have made the tournament a misery for my wife Dawn, constantly berating her and slagging her off in the chat box, and admitting to her they have done this to get at me - and the worst thing of all is that it did get to me and I retaliated through the chat box and tbh the chat has spoilt all of the games in the syndicate for everyone else - so again I apologise to any syndicate member reading this if any of my actions have spoilt your enjoyment of the games as I should be big enough and clever enough just to avoid them and not give them what they want - a reaction.

Anyone who really knows me will know the kind of guy I really am. From me you always get a straight answer - whether its what I think ya want to hear or not - you will get it straight from me, no flannel, no bullshit just exactly what I think or feel at the time. Sometimes this does not sit well with people and sometimes I myself wish I had taken a minute before saying or doing something, but I am consistant as I always engage mouth(or fingers) then let the brain kick in 10 minutes later. I only ever give my honest views on things and at 40 years old its kinda hard to change the person you have been since growing up.

I truely love the forum and 99% of the people I have had the pleasure to meet through it and I hope you all understand I would never do anything to bring it in to disrepute or damage it.

I hope the people who read this who are my true friends understand my motives and maybe can forgive my knee jerk actions sometimes

HELLS FUCKING KITCHEN NIGHTMARE

HELLS FUCKING KITCHEN NIGHTMARE

THOUGHT I WOULD POST THIS AS A WARNING TO ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY MIGHT WANT TO BUY A NEW KITCHEN............................................................







Once upon a time in a land not far from Dobba Castle, lived a happy couple who had the misfortune to decide upon a full renovation of there humble but very small kitchen,

So off they set in search of a nice shiny brand new kitchen to replace the one they already had (which in the land of the real world was fine and dandy ie (IT FUCKING WORKED !!).

Any way after travelling for many days they came across B & Q who were having a half price sale and after much thought and desighn they purchased a brand spanking new kitchen which included a new cooker ( ? the old one was fine ) a new microwave ( ? the old one was also fine )



the nice people at B & Q took our hard earned pennies and assured us all will be fine and new kitchen will arrive in four weeks. The days ticked by as we anticipated the arrival, making all the necessary arrangments we ordered a skip to take away the old delapatated WORKING kitchen away. and sure enough the skip arrived and the man of the house reluctantly took a large hammer and set about removing the perfectly fine WORKING kitchen.

Two days before delivery two gentlemen of the joinery trade arrived to assess the scene and remove the final parts of the kitchen and upon removing the last bench that hold the sink they proceed to burst main water pipe flooding the place ....................

Telephone plumber who arrives to switch off water and repair pipe "i cant be doing with this !" was his quote "I,l be back Saturday to move your pipe work"



Thursday and kitchen set to arrive between 8am and 1pm as per phone call with delivery people, so took day off from work to over see the delivery 8am - 9am - 10am - 11am nothing 11am - 12pm fuck all 1.30 pm weeeeeeeeeeee big truck pulls up and happy days kitchen is in the back.

THATS THE ONLY GOOD PART AS FROM NOW WE DECEND INTO THE REAL KITCHEN NIGHTMARE.

Saturday and its all go as joiners plasterers and electricains descend on Castle Foggo to do there worse and dont they just - just when you think all is well joiner points out that there is a fault with the desighn as the cooker hob will be right on top of the kitchen sink drainer ? we take a closer look and sure enough desighn is bollocks, on top of that the mrs has realised her bench is going to be the size of a loaf of bread.

Its then that joiner realises that the plan given to us by the desighner is a different plan to the one that came from B & Q with the invoice.

so job is at a standstill untill today when after purchasing two further units to move the cooker away from the sink we come home to discover a huge damp patch in the brand new recently plastered ceiling.

So we are now two weeks without a kitchen and im waiting for the plumber - the joiner - the electrician - the plasterer and now a fucking roofer to come and sort this mess out.It would be nice for this "once upon a time " to have a happy ending however its not in sight and like Newcastle we need a MIRACLE. So the moral of this little nightmare is if the Mrs says she wants a new kitchen and the offer is 50% off !!Take her by the throat and apply pressure until all thoughts of said new kitchen are completely gone

Don Revie we nearly did it!!!

Don Revie we nearly did it!!!

Friday night NPF league draws to a close and still hanging on at top of league with one week to go. Friday saw better turn out of 59 runners and the place was very busy due to Charity do on as well. Decent table and decent start so going along nicely when new player comes to table and has total edge to him as he settles in. Im in seat 1 so dealing and on his BB its all folded except the sb who limps but the BB folds. I advise him he could of seen the flop but he snaps back " I had shite, I only had 52", but you still could of had a look at the flop I say to which he snaps back " they would only get me into trouble" Ooops try to help and Mr Edge just wasnt happy. Looks straight at me chewing his gum and snorts " Anyway mate just watch cos Im ganna take all your chips off ya" Omg calm down I tell him I was only trying to help.
Red rag to a bull obvious and when I decide to raise his BB with 8h10h its a call a 2 way pot. Flop comes 7910 so he cks and I bet out to which he re raises me. I call and turn its ck ck. River brings the Jack and he moves all in. Cant see him on KQ to re raise on that board so at best hes got a set, 2 pair or same hand.Call and he flips 99 and comments "well played nice hand"
Table moved as our table is broken up and 1st hand I play at new table my raise is re raised big by a guy Ive just seen slow play KK so fold and he proudly flips over AQ. I just knew then this guy was to take me out. Sure enough as my stack was gwetting to danger levels I shove with KQ in late position to his BB and he makes call flipping over 9d5d and sure enough he hits his 9. Out in 14th so no points increase for me and although a couple of high placed lads made good finishes ( Xenocode) the real dangers to me all went out early or wernt there.
So with all points updated theres only 2 players that can catch me and basically they have to finish 1st or 2nd with me not improving my present position. Twitchy arse week on Friday O;)
Come off and Gypo drags me across Casino floor to other side saying come and have alook at this. Nice looking lass with short clinging mini dress on playing roulette and wowzza everytime shes putting chips on she seems to favour the low number section and is stretching right over and believe me what a site. Nothing left to the imagination and the reason why all the slots were full and at least 10 blokes standing at the ramp rail gazing into air!!!! Nice while it lasted till her muscle bound boyfriend obviously realised and then proceeded to spoil the fun by standing behind her giving her a cuddle- boooooooooo!!
Saturday saw about 15 of the NPF make the trip down to Leeds Gala who have started a monthly £20/£20 Freezeout with £2000 added prize money.
Nice casino and after spot of lunch its shuffle up and deal with full field so very healthy pot guaranteed for small outlay. Get off to flyer when raise to 150 3rd hand with AK for guy next to me to pop it to 600 and BB calls 3 way see flop of A 10 7 and BB leads out for 300, I flat call to see what re raiser is going to do and he makes it 1000 to play which the BB calls and I think Fk it rebuy chance and if hes AA or set then so be it so shove all in for raiser to fold but BB makes the call. On our backs and wow he flips over K7 and the turn comes J and river is blank so nice double up. Raiser tells me he had AJ which I didnt believe but so be it. Not long after the K7 guy is in 5 way pot and Im in with 97 hts. Ckd to turn where Ive made flush draw and he makes a weak bet of 100 to which I call and everyone else folds. River brings the board of A235 and he shoves all in. I call for the 3k and he flips A9 happy days. Nice start but that soon ends as go through the card dead syndrome and any move I make is faced with stiff resistance. Make the break with above avg stack and pot confirmed at £7960. My AQ is doubled up at 8 bbs by JJ call and then table broke up. 5 tables left and much stronger table this with no limped pots at all and although make a stand twice on my BB by shoving to force a raised fold I simply cant get going and when the standard raise comes in again to my BB I shove my last 6 BBs in with 77 to face A10 and 10 pops out followed by an Ace.
20 minute blind structure means you just gotta keep ya stack moving and game would be much better suited with a 30 mins clock and slightly earlier start.
Grab some food and although originally top 10 were getting paid the remaining 15 players agree for 11 to 15 to get £100 and one of our crew Stumpy make it 12th and Imi makes final table. Imi eventually falls in 3rd place when he shud of won tbh making what I though was a bad call on Q board with 88 and then shoving with A9 from sb to unfortunately find BB with AJ.
Well worth the trip and nice change of scene which all of us agreed.

Robbery at its Highest

Robbery at its Highest

Being self employed you get swamped and tbh sick of all the red tape and shite you have to put up with and then when ya make a few quid the beautiful Government no matter which party it is then screw you to the floor by taxing anything that moves.
It seems the Revenue & Customs take great delight in finding any slight error and nailing you to the cross yet the biggest robbers of them all tend to be right in front of their noses.

A rule for one and another rule for others!!!!!



I luv this response by a friend of mine:

Why this announcement, one day before the budget and why announce interim measures when there is a committee working on this issue full time.

Answers

1. A shit load of dodgy expenses are about to be announced in the press.

2. This will make some people who get locked up for robbery look like angels.

3. Total arse covering exercise.

4. I watch his body language, I try to assess what he's really feeling, his mouth contorts, he tries to look like he is adding humour....= " Liar, Liar your pants are on fire".

The country's going to the dogs and we are being run by a bunch of thieving twats. If normal business people tried to claim half of what these idiots have claimed then they would be facing back tax, interest charges and penalties and their card marked that they would be subject to further future scrutiny.

I just puked.

Toon Star sets new world record!!!

Toon Star sets new world record!!!

David Blaines world record for standing upright in a box for several days and not moving was smashed to pieces last week when Shola Amoebi managed 3 years of total standstill and a record that should stand for many years to come.

Quiet week for moi and not much Poker thank fuck. Been playing for playing sake on a couple of sites double or nothing for discipline reasons and doing alright with them as well.
Missed tuesday as cudnt be bothered but obviously played week 10 of the NPF League on Friday at Grosvenor. Ended up a really good game and made my 5th final table from 9 but never in a position really to do any damage eventually going out 8th.
Great hand at final table involving my mate Stumpy who predicted to go out to serial limper Derek Atkinson to outdraw him from behind and sure enough when he pushes with Ace 10 Monseur Atkinson makes the call after limping with KJ. Jack on flop and Stumpy stack is demolished. He throws in his last few thousand chips in utg blind and in anger and big stack shows his strength to dump big tower over line from position 7 but limper Derek announces "ALL IN" and big stack is now committed to call. On their backs and its As7s for Stumpy, 10 s 10c for big stack and ACE ACE but before cards are shown Derek asks Stumpy who had been giving him grief " Do you have an Ace?" to which Stumpy declares YES and derek flips over ACE ACE oucha.
2 spades hit the flop, a 3rd spade hits the turn and low & behold anutha spade hits the river giving Stump the Nutflush and the big stack had the 10 of spades taking out the AA. IF LOOKS COULD KILL!!!!!
Well done to fellow dobba Jimmy Chipmunk who played his normal rock solid game to take it down in a very good heads up battle with Rob "Larfingravy" Richardson and the win gives him very good chance of making top finishes in the league. Hes just the player to put the spanner in the works for my league win tbh. Still top but its getting tight now with final 2 weeks left.
NPF Friday League

Played a couple of online satellites for seats on Sunday but shouldnt of bothered as played like a donk and was more interested in Corras!!!

BILLY FUCKING BODGE IT !!!!!!!

BILLY FUCKING BODGE IT !!!!!!!

HI Dobba watchers !!
well another week and it started oh so well, Bank Holiday Monday and her who must be obeyed suggests the grov for the £25 wildcard I personaly couldn`t be arsed but upon readin thread on the NPF Cash game up n running I agree to go on the condition that she plays the tourney and I play the cash, So duly arrive at the g only to find cash game has ended and all are playing the tourney so sit down to play the game somewhat reluctantly.
steady game with plenty of chips end up on fianal table with approx 15k blnds are 1 - 2 k and after some neat squeeze play and a reraise against ridla my pocket 2s hit the set against ridlas AK and bingo end up chopping against a guy called alex and claiming the £100 seat.

Tuesday back to work which still sucks but hey ho any way we get to friday and as joiner /plumber/and electrician are booked to come on saturday arrange for a skip to arrive to gut the kitchen as new one arrives thursday. skip arrives and we head down the g for a game she plays the tourney and I sit down with steve (cardguard) on the 25/50 cash third hand i pick up KK and reraise the shove preflop to treble up my £40 starting stack then coupl of hours later pick up 88 and flop a set a against can only get betters AA and take another nice pot.

Saturday 8am two joiners turn up to assist my demolition of the old kitchen and after a couple of hours joiners son decides to take hammer to base unit holding the sink up and yep you guesed he fractures the cold water pipe fucking water every where (bellagio fountain is now in my kitchen)
so water switched off as we await the sparky and the plumber, sparky is a friend of my son so I nip up the stairs to his room to awake son as its now realy early 1.30pm to find out what time his pals coming - " he wont be up yet " was the reply and "he hasnt brought his tools home "
?????????????????? what tools does a sparky need to shift two sockets and put up some spot lights ?????????????????????? any way plumber arrives at 5pm fixes broken pipe but cant do anything until thursday as fully booked " but I boked you for today " he says "aye but that was just to have a look" ??????????????????????.
upshot is nee kitchen nee sparky and a plumber who cant do owt till thursday ???????????
FUCKING RESESSION WHAT A LOAD OF BOLLOCKS

Wow I ran so good!!!!!!

Wow I ran so good!!!!!!

4 weeks left of the NPF League and although sitting top I reckon there were still 3 or 4 others in with a chance to catch me but they at least need a top 3 finish to stay in touch and another final table and decent finish for me could really seal it.
Poor turnout with under 50 runners and after initial 6 seater table breaks get moved to a very interesting table including Mr & Mrs Cardguard, Mrs Entertainment, Sean Mcguigan, Farmer Dave, FatPants, Jimmy Chipmunk & The Geek.
Playing ABC stuff when a hand comes up between The Geek & Mr Cardguard that sort of set the tone for later events. Cardguard puts decent early position raise in and The Geek shoves all in over the top having Cardguard well covered but for a very early meaty pot . Its called by KK and The Geek flips JJ.
The conversation turns to what a luckbox The Geek is and how bad Cardguard runs at times but surely not in this case as 2 players reveal they have passed a Jack and with matching suited pairs the flush draws are eliminated for the Jacks as well. What odds were the Geeks Jacks of winning would be even difficult to get matched on Betfair but a slight glimmer of hope arose when the flop came K 10 A followed by a 9 and then what can only be described as total shock and despair on peoples faces as BANG in came the Q to give the JJ a straight. Over the last few weeks/months Ive witnessed at close hand some horror horror beats to Cardguard but none as brutal as this one and once again proving how so brutal this game can be.

Soon after this I eventually fire my stack up when raising from mid position with suited AJ to be called by Mrs Cardguard in late position. Tasty flop of AA3 and I bet out for her to push in over the top for all her stack which was similar to mine and I make the call for her to show A 10 and I hold.

Get table break and moved to very interesting table alongside “Millions” winner Avkid and a few very strong forum players in NeilB and No 1 Likes a Student. Always seem to do well against Avkid but when I overbet another AJd and he shoves I know Im in trouble but committed to the pot and his QQ holds and leaves me desperate for chips with my BB coming within the next few hands. Get 66 on my BB with 1200 behind and when Avkid raises from early position I shove my last few in.
Totally totally dominated when he flips 88 and as NeilB peels the flop his top card reveal is the 8d and chop chop is probably my only chance when he boards 8dKd4d. Avkid shouts put the 5d next to make it interesting and sure enough Neil drops the 5d in on the turn. Omg survival possibility here with split pot to flush but even better when he rivers the 7h for a straight to the 8 for me. UNREAL I run so good.
Looseman joins the table and a few laps later still low I shove Ad7d in late position for insta call by Looseman flipping KK. Never in doubt this one and bang in came my Ace and house made by the time the river arrived. Easy game man!!!!!

Bit of stack to play now and instead of sitting on it decide to take a few pots on between the blinds and take down a few nice pots with total shite getting Fatpants to fold twice when hes miles in front. Get involved in big hand with NeilB that he eventually gets the better of me on the turn and I decide not to risk my top pair after being reraised on a KQ and possible flush board. I then hit the luckbox switch again when deciding to move in from cut off with Ac9c for snap call again by Looseman holding his fav KK again. Cant do it again surely and flop gives me no hope and turn even less then bang a big Ace from heaven drops on the flop and I must admit I wooped abit too loud to the despair of poor Looseman. Loose then goes out just before final table and one of my closest rivals and one of the few players to still possibly pip me Can Only Get Better goes down in bubble time.

Get great final table position and happily stacked and final table was very much ABC as a few low stacks doubled up and then some departed. Play KQ in early position to low stacks BB with another caller the low stack ships in and we see 3 way flop of Qh rag rag (2 hearts) and holding the Kh I ship in for other player to fold. Low stack flips 8dAh and turn brings the nutflush for her.
Down to 6 left and lose a 60/40 race eventually shoving low stack in from sb v BB with Q8 to face AK. Hit the 8 but he turns the K and gone in 6th but some very important points that should make me very difficult to catch in the league and that nice £1000 main Event GUKPT seat. Wish I ran so good as this more often!!!!

I ran so good weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: Sean Mcguigan telling us his Mrs had lost her handbag. Says" Wish my cock was as thick as her" !!!!!